It’s interesting that despite all of the new virtual tools we have for social networking, such as LinkedIn, Facebook, etc., we still find ourselves going back to the old face-to-face interactions to get any ‘real’ benefit from our connections.  Thus, the major benefit for individuals seems to be that it allows them to connect with those they may not normally have access. However, just being connected or Linked doesn’t mean you’ll get any benefit from it. 

Some research suggests that it takes at least 9 exchanges with someone to create a relationship.  Let’s say you went on LinkedIn with the hope of finding someone who works at a GE.   You’d like to work for GE as a project engineer.  So, you find a few names of engineers in similar positions in that company.  Then, you find their email address format and send them an introduction letter that tells them who you are, how you found them and why you are contacting them.  Do you think the first email you send to them will accomplish your goal?  Probably not. 

While this is a good approach, it will take many exchanges to build a relationship conducive to the support you need.  I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t use virtual connections.  For best results, you must combine the Virtual world with the Real world.  Here are some suggestions.

1. Do the Virtual thing. Send an email.  Keep it informal and sincere.  If you’ve done a little homework on them, you may have something in common, such as college degree, alma mater, kids, or hometown.  Use this connection as a reason for reaching out to them.  Make the first interaction about that bond.  Learn as much as you can about them.  Take notes so you don’t forget.


2. Do the Real thing.  Face to face is the best method of communication.  If you feel that asking for a meeting of this type won’t work, such as lunch or coffee, then suggest a telephone call.  Speaking is the next best method for connecting.  Once you begin talking, try to avoid email.  Call whenever you can.  This allows them to learn about you by listening to your voice inflections, timber, tone, attitude and other things.  You don’t get that from email.  After a few calls, you should suggest the face to face meeting.

3. Lead with your hand out.  Not in asking but giving.  Find out what they like and support it in some way.  I had a friend once that send a high level executive an autographed baseball from a player on his favorite team.  The executive was so happy to get the baseball that he arranged an interview for my friend at his company.  You never know what a little kindness can do.  By the way…he got the job and did well for years.

4. Connect with their network. You’ll be amazed how easy it is to get into someone else’s network.  How?  Just ask.  If you are resourceful and learn about some of their connections, through the Internet, you can work your way into an introduction to a particular contact.  You could ask leading questions to that connection or the particular aspects about the connection you’d like to make.  In working on my next book, I talk to lots of MBA graduates.  I ask each graduate if they know other successful graduates who’ve had the success they have.  This almost always leads to a referral.  

5. Work the whole network.   All of this takes time and effort.  But it’s worth it.  Once you get a referral, you must respond.  Follow up with them.  Keep everyone in the loop on the conversation.  Take your new connection back to step #1 above.  Don’t lose the connections.  Follow-up with each one as often as you can.

As you go through the process, note what works and what doesn’t.  Optimize your skills and methods.  Failures will come.  Don’t worry too much about them.  Just learn from them and keep on moving.  The results you want will come.  It once took my 18 months to make a connection with a world renowned expert.  Sure, I felt like giving up at times but I really wanted that connection.  And….I got it.